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Assault on America, Day 443: Bernie will never be POTUS and neither will dopey Joe Biden

Joe Biden
All these years later, I distinctly remember a family trip to the race track as a tween in the late 70’s and telling my grandpa that betting on my favorite horse, Affirmed, was a “sure thing.”

He replied as any grandfather who’d lived through the incredibly challenging and real-life times that marked his nearly seventy years would have, namely “Trust me, there is no such thing as a sure thing.” Of course, he was right, as Affirmed came in third that day (one of the few times the Triple Crown Champion didn’t end up in the Winner’s Circle). The lesson (obviously) wasn’t lost on me as I still remember his immortal words of wisdom over four decades later.

But I would make an exception to Grandpa’s truism now… there is one sure thing, and it’s the fact Bernie Sanders will never be president of the United States. The Green Mountain State avowed socialist has fallen so far behind in the 2020 Democrat presidential race that it would take a virtual miracle for him to catch up, something akin to a reversal of momentum dwarfing rival Joe Biden’s turnaround in South Carolina and on Super Tuesday a few weeks ago. Only there’s no Jim Clyburn-like wonder to rescue “The Bern” like the African-American icon saved dopey Joe. Bernie’s clean out of tricks.

Bernie’s campaign has gone the way of all of his socialist idols… the Soviet Union, Fidel Castro, the faculties at America’s leftists universities… oh wait, the last group is still kicking.

Sanders had a good run, finishing a close second (in a two-person race) to Hillary Clinton four years ago and ending up second again (though not so close) in a twenty-something candidate field this time around. Not bad for a man who most people wrote off when he announced his run for president in 2015 -- a unapologetic crotchety old fart with a quirky northeastern accent that literally begs people to make fun of it. (No, I’m not a regional-ist, I would just as readily poke fun at Ragin’ Cajun James Carville’s dialect, a pundit with a drawl so thick you could slice it with a knife.)

The post-mortems have already begun for Sanders to the point where even some “conservatives” are providing campaign advice to Joe Biden in his exalted status as lead Democrat in waiting. #NeverTrumper Jonah Goldberg wrote at National Review, “[Biden on Sunday night] seemed to be under the impression that his top priority is to win over Sanders’s voters, even though his historic comeback is entirely attributable to the fact that voters see him as a viable alternative to Sanders. Biden will never get the socialist die-hards, and attempting to do so risks both losing the suburban moderates who came out for him in droves and giving President Trump the very line of attack he desperately wants.

“In the past, once nominees of either party locked up the nomination, they tacked to the center. Barack Obama and Donald Trump didn’t need to do that for reasons unique to them.

“But Biden isn’t them. He’s running as vanilla ice cream. Vanilla ice cream is the most popular flavor not because it’s everyone’s favorite, but because it’s the least objectionable flavor.”

It's curious how the once universally respected “conservative” commentator Goldberg is now relegated to talking about Democrats and ice cream -- which is basically a cover for providing Biden advice on how he can beat President Trump in November. Let’s face it, that’s exactly what Jonah and his cohort of establishment swamp-protecting former GOP losers wants. No Trump backer would honestly provide the secret to success for Biden -- if indeed there is one -- but it’s a good thing the National Review writer is flat-out wrong in numerous ways.

First, “Vanilla” may have carried the day for sleepy Joe in the Democrat primaries but it won’t taste so delectable in the general election. In case Goldberg, et al. have been in a coma for the past month, a fire wasn’t lit under Biden’s campaign until it became obvious to party establishmentarians that they were staring at the reality of Sanders delivering a long-winded and ideologically charged acceptance speech at the party convention this summer, a circumstance that no doubt frightened them more than bathing in a pool full of COVID-19 patients.

The collective post-Nevada caucuses party tantrum over Sanders is what fueled Grampa Joe’s remarkable exodus from the political morgue. It wasn’t because Joe was not Trump -- it’s because he was not Bernie. Even liberal cable news networks joined in the Sanders-bashing. It reminded this observer of the onslaught against Trump once he was confirmed as the Republican nominee (they loved him in the early primary season, remember?).

Biden didn’t even need to advance an issue platform to inspire the about-face, he just had to ignore the multitude of calls to bow out gracefully and keep his name in the conversation. If you ask a hundred Democrats today to delineate what Joe stands for, you either would get a hundred different answers or more likely, stupefied blank stares. “Um, he’s for… proving that Trump is a racist! Yeah, that’s it!”

The “vanilla” factor won’t cut it against Trump this fall, however. The president still has plenty of items left to fulfill on his KAG (Keep America Great) agenda along with his multitude of accomplishments. Plus, he’s getting near 24/7 coverage during the coronavirus panic. In contrast, where the heck is Joe? Does anyone miss him?

Second, Biden absolutely needs Sanders’ nutty followers onboard to win in the general election matchup, so therefore, it only makes sense for the former Obama veep to continue tacking left for at least a little while longer to try and pacify the anger burning bright in the “Bernie bros’” chests.

Let’s not forget that it was the Democrat establishment that bludgeoned Sanders to death -- again. But for the all-out assault on “The Bern’s” admittedly untenable ideology and Medicare-for-all ideas, there’s no way a dolt like Biden would’ve emerged smelling like a rose. As many a commentator pointed out, Joe is the same Joe he was prior to South Carolina. He mumbles like his mouth is stuffed with marbles and he’s still got the confused onslaught-of-senility look on his perpetually smirking mug. Sanders’ followers aren’t dumb -- they know they’ve been had.

In what looks like another presidential election where turning out the base will be critical to winning, Biden needs every Democrat vote he can get. Here’s thinking that the rabid anti-Trumpers will definitely rally to Joe, but what about the kids who loved Bernie and his “everything is free” message? Could they care less about Biden? He ain’t no Obama, that’s for sure.

Third, contrary to what Goldberg claimed, Donald Trump definitely did tack to the center in 2016. Trump’s was not exactly a traditional conservative message four years ago, promising to end military adventurism (a “crime” the neoconservatives never forgave), stamp out free trade, leave entitlements untouched and to preserve massive amounts of government spending and borrowing in certain areas.

Trump’s was no traditional limited government pitch, though he did promise (and has kept it) to appoint only originalist judges, which is thus far one of his biggest successes. His play to the common “forgotten” Americans was centrist to the core, as was his simple pledge to enforce the immigration laws. People like Goldberg forget the GOP establishment favors cheap labor illegal immigration just as much as liberals love it as an invisible vote total bolstering scheme.

Conservatives rallied to Trump because they knew he would be a huge improvement over Hillary Clinton (or Obama’s third term), not because he would reduce government’s activist role in American society (though the regulatory state has taken a beating under Trump, which is a good thing). And the same holds this year against the leftist contingent led by Biden. Fiscally speaking, we can only hope Trump’s second term would be more budget conscious.

Fourth, Biden won’t be able to hide behind the coronavirus sequestration this fall. No, he’ll actually have to get out in front of big crowds and say stuff, which always runs the risk of him uttering something inane or caustic. Like a nursing home patient who was startled awake from a nap, Joe doesn’t take kindly to being asked things he doesn’t care to answer. There’ll be plenty of old former Democrats who will demand answers to their questions, just like the construction worker did last week in Michigan.

And if Biden keeps calling people “dog faced pony soldiers”, “damn liars” and “horse’s asses” and telling young girls that there are “at least three genders,” the more results-oriented general electorate isn’t going to stand for it.

Lastly, Biden isn’t even the “least objectionable” flavor of ice cream. It might’ve looked that way in the Democrat presidential race, but once he’s lined up against Trump in a debate format he won’t be able to get away with gritting his dentures, talking really loud, pointing at the moderators (and at Trump) and generally acting like a drunken relative at a post-coronavirus family reunion celebration.

There are a plethora of “objectionable” things about Biden. Did Goldberg simply ignore that Joe’s notorious for hair sniffin’, nude swimmin’, children repellin’, fact forgettin’ behavior? And what about Joe’s favorite boy Hunter? Think anyone’s going to consider such blatant corruption un-objectionable?

Biden’s candidacy is probably history before he even accepts his crown. Joe needs to keep kissing as many leftist rear-ends as he can get his socially distanced lips in close proximity to (sorry for the image!). It’s his only chance.

Besides, no one will be talking much about the presidential race for months. Reid Wilson reported at The Hill, “Political leaders around the country are beginning to warn their constituents that the major disruptions to their everyday lives caused by the spreading coronavirus will last far beyond the temporary shutdowns that are so far in place.

“The states and cities that have ordered schools and businesses closed have set two- or three-week limits, in hopes of stemming the spread of the virus. But public officials are increasingly warning that the closures are likely to last far longer...

“As the Trump administration and Congress race to craft a stimulus package aimed at reducing the scope of the looming recession, some proposals have included longer-term thinking that accounts for a prolonged shutdown. The Treasury Department has floated sending Americans checks within two weeks to help stimulate the economy, with the potential for a second round of payments coming in May.”

Yes, that’s right. Our benevolent political class is proposing sending every one of us a thousand-dollar check, just like kooky but likable Andrew Yang suggested during his failed Democrat campaign! Universal basic income is seriously being considered. We’ve really come that far, folks.

Watch how fast Biden rushes to embrace the concept. The man wouldn’t know an original idea if it kicked him in the keister. Forget having to appeal to Bernie Sanders’ followers, Joe will start running like heck after the much smaller but equally as dedicated Yang-gang.

My grandfather was (almost) right that there are no sure things in life, but we know for certain Bernie Sanders won’t be president -- and that Joe Biden will struggle to maintain a viable public presence headed into the fall campaign. With COVID-19 raging for the near term, all bets are off. Who could be more sure of anything?

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