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Assault on America, Day 455: Dems to replace Biden as nominee is best April Fool’s joke ever!

Andrew Cuomo
Perhaps it’s fitting that on April Fool’s Day we should hear increasing chatter about something unfathomable happening within the Democrat Party.

Or should I say it seems impossible, that here before Easter -- and even the conclusion of the now-suspended primary voting season -- liberals would seriously consider removing their would-be nominee (dopey Joe Biden) and replace him with a flavor-of-the-moment White Knight candidate (New York Governor Andrew Cuomo) who has virtually taken over as the face of the party thanks to a worldwide pandemic no one saw coming half a year ago.

Of course Nancy Pelosi and “Chucky” Schumer expunged their mugs from the imaginations of American voters last week when they partnered to make donkeys out of President Donald Trump’s illegitimate opposition faction. For days Pelosi held up a House vote on the Senate’s proposed $2 trillion+ coronavirus relief bill in order to pepper the legislation with Democrat wish-list pipedreams like carbon neutral airplanes, universal federally sanctioned vote harvesting (and outlawing state voter ID laws) and gratuitous pork for swampy pet constituencies like Washington DC’s Kennedy Center. Is a $25 million federally funded facelift for the elites’ playground really related to coronavirus?

It’s as though Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was suddenly in charge and she deemed herself dictator of the universe or something.

Then there was “Chucky” Schumer’s refusal to go along with the entire package until the Trump hotels were X-ed out of an aid bundle for the nation’s flattened hospitality industry. The more-clever-by-half Minority Leader couched it in terms of no help for members of congress or the president, like every congressperson or senator owns a stake in a business worth hundreds of millions that now is collecting dust and stacks of obligations because of COVID-19.

Not that any of these people -- including Biden -- had much credibility to begin with, but sooner or later the Democrats’ never ending game of Russian roulette with the mentality and approval of the American people will result in an electoral projectile traveling through their noggins.  

Nevertheless, the April Fool’s Day switcheroo rumors persist. But if Democrats haven’t learned it already, there’s no way to un-ring the presidential nominating bell this time. And that’s not even suggesting a dopey-Joe for surly Gotham State guv swap would end up a wise one. Byron York wrote at The Washington Examiner the other day, “More than anything else, the Cuomo boomlet is a reflection of some influential Democrats' misgivings about Biden. They have always known that, at age 77, he has lost a step. Now, they are seeing him struggle to project any sense of leadership in the crisis. They know the rank-and-file Democrats chose Biden in the primary field, but not necessarily with any great enthusiasm.

“In a new Washington Post-ABC poll, 86% of the people who say they plan to vote for Trump say they are enthusiastic about doing so. Just 74% of Biden supporters say the same thing. The poll also found that 15% of those Democrats who currently prefer Sanders would vote for Trump, not Biden, in the general election.

“’They're a fractured party,’ one Trump campaign official said in a text exchange Sunday. ‘Cuomo coming in as the 'savior' would be viewed with hostility by the Bernie people. Double slap in the face.’”

As usual, York lays out a myriad of reasons why Democrats couldn’t just change horses in mid-mud fest, with much if not most of the convention delegates having already been won by Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders. Most convincingly, York argues that removing Joe now would be a slap-in-the-face to those who actually chose the Obama veep (and not Cuomo), such as African-American Democrat voters. And the Bernie “bros” are honked off enough as it is -- here’s thinking they would be near riotous if the party poohbahs brought in Andrew Cuomo at the 11th hour.

So what to do, Democrats?

One obvious solution to this self-inflicted Democrat crisis would be for Grampa Joe to extend his well-used and now frequently sterilized hand and offer the vice president’s position to Cuomo today (another great April Fool’s joke, right?). But oh wait -- ‘ol back slappin’, hair sniffin’, #MeToo denyin’, child repellin’, nude swimmin’, China abidin’ and media strokin’ Joe already promised the slot to a woman and he couldn’t possibly go back on his word this time, coronavirus be damned! And Cuomo’s identified as a male his whole life. Can’t do that “switch in time” either!

As a side note, why aren’t Democrats putting forth one of their female governors like Michigan’s Gretchen Whitmer or Oregon’s Kate Brown as COVID-19 heroines? Who, you ask? Perhaps that’s the problem.

Therefore, Andrew Cuomo’s gender unthinkingly disqualifies him, not only for the top slot (in place of Biden) but also for the party’s number two. During Biden’s interview last week with the squawking hens at The View, for example, Joe already said he’d identified 12-15 (his words) women that he’s got his (political) eye on for his running mate (but he plans to narrow down the list to about 11 soon!). He said these gals (on his not-so-short list) would be qualified to be president tomorrow, which makes you wonder why he wasn’t more supportive of the still unnamed chicks sooner? Gee, I wonder if Senators Amy Klobuchar, Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren, Kirsten Gillibrand and Kamala Harris are four of them? How about Tulsi Gabbard?

Democrats must feel like they’re held hostage by their own past statements with modern internet-based tools eternally at-the-ready to help everyone recall their every utterance! Biden bragging on a woman VP nominee may have sounded keen when he made it up at the spur of the moment, but it's got him under lock and key now.

Besides, Cuomo’s another old (62) white guy from a bluer than blue state that’s already in the bag for Biden, which just goes to show how “out there” New York has become. True, Trump also hails from The Empire State, but apparently his penchant for America First and common sense doesn’t hold much sway with the state’s voters -- or at least the ones who still live there, the rest of the productive class got the he-l out years ago to Florida and other points south to avoid the elites’ crushing tax burden, the likes of which would certainly be brought up in the presidential campaign after every Democrat was done bashing Trump on the coronavirus.

After initially being supportive of Trump and the federal government’s efforts to help his state, Cuomo’s since reassumed a more aggressive anti-Trump role, which would serve to rub the luster off his “nonpartisan” acquired reputation with independents in the flyover states. These people wouldn’t necessarily think “Vice President Cuomo” has a catchy ring to it.

And besides, Cuomo and all Democrats (except for maybe Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren) have a cushy but hush-hush relationship with the swamp creatures inhabiting the hated Wall Street. Last week, many Democrats bashed aspects of the “relief bill” as a bailout for Wall Street, but where does the truth lie? Don’t millions upon millions have their retirement savings wrapped up in 401(k) plans that depend on a healthy capitalistic trading sector? When the stock market crashes, so do the hopes, dreams and savings of the middle class. It’s not rocket science.

But don’t tell this to Democrats who would much rather make political hay over rich guys supposedly getting richer at the expense of everyone else. Where else would normal people put their money to have it grow and guarantee them a comfortable retirement than in the stock market… government bonds? Would stuffing the dough in a mattress accomplish the same thing?

It goes without saying the economy will be an absolute mess when (or if?) we ever get ourselves out of this coronavirus “fear porn” tailspin and it’s not likely voters will see Grampa Joe and/or Andrew Cuomo as the solution no matter how matter-of-fact and with-it the latter appears on TV.

At its essence, this draft-Cuomo nonsense is a human reaction to a political situation. As is true with severe cases of buyer’s remorse and regret every four years, there’s always someone out there in political-land who looks better on the surface than the party’s nominee (well, except for Obama in 2008, but he was a special case of liberal “thrill up my leg” infatuation because of his skin color and gift for reading teleprompter speeches).

Establishment Republicans definitely went through a similar personal crisis four years ago when Donald Trump and Ted Cruz emerged as the last two candidates standing (and no, John Kasich doesn’t count since he was mathematically eliminated very early on). #NeverTrumpers and inconsolable GOP elites practically begged the “retired” Mitt Romney to run. Regardless, they carried their dump-Trump hopes all the way to the convention floor.

The question was always: if not Trump, who the people selected, then who?

The ditch Biden momentum even has some urging “The One”, Biden’s former boss, to step in and tell his old pal and political soulmate to step aside for the good of the party. Michael Goodwin wrote at The New York Post, “Looking isolated and lapsing into occasional gibberish, [Biden] seemed ­every bit the mentally challenged 77-year-old he was on the worst days of the campaign. Although he did better on a CNN virtual town hall Friday, his tics, such as having a three-point answer to every question, do not inspire confidence that he is capable of being president for four years.

“So what can Dems do? Find another nominee. But first, they must bench Biden, or persuade him to bench himself. It’s a job for Barack Obama.

“The former president remains the most trusted member of his party and is uniquely situated to deliver the bad news to his vice president. In fact, it won’t be a total surprise given that Obama never endorsed Biden, despite making it clear he did not want Sanders, the only other choice, to be the nominee.”

Before you laugh too hard, Goodwin’s piece actually makes (some) sense. Grampa Joe is a doddering disaster (there’s a great video compilation of his recent gaffes in the article) and it’s looking more and more bleak by the day for the party out of (White House) power. At the same time, this summer’s Democrat convention might not happen, which could provide an opening for Obama to swoop in and lay the groundwork for some other candidate who doesn’t verbally trip over himself (or herself) every other minute.

Another possible means of getting rid of Biden is to use the budding Tara Reade scandal to do the trick supported by a credible #MeToo accuser. Opportunistic Democrats could simply say they “believe” Reade and therefore could no long support Biden as the nominee. Sure, they’d basically be callously tossing Joe’s lifeless political corpse to the side, but is that really more undesirable than having Trump for four more years?

Goodwin advanced three names as possible Biden-successors -- Cuomo, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton. No… no… and…. maybe? Or could they ask that the election be postponed for a month or two? It could happen.

Coronavirus is proving to be no April Fool’s joke and neither are reports that some Democrats are plotting to remove Joe Biden as party nominee in favor of Gov. Andrew Cuomo or someone else. Speculation is fun but not exactly fruitful in times like these and the process will play itself out like it always does.

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